We’re all friends here right? So I can be totally honest with you…
I’ve had a case of the “shoulding yourself” lately, which has caused my productivity to dry up faster than my hair after being soaked in chlorine! Instead of “I get” to write about running or “I get” to go run, I SHOULD.
This is partially because my world has been topsy turvy with 2 weeks of hotel living and moving cross country, while still juggling my many Online Ninja hats. Meaning I should probably unpack, instead of writing an article, right?
On Thursdays I always show up with new running content and I have some things in the hopper, but you know what my creativity is in the tanks and no matter how many times I “should’ed” on myself, it wasn’t going to happen.
Should feels bad.
I should do this…
I shouldn’t do that…
I should know better…Ever feel like this after you read another great article? If I did everything, here’s what my day SHOULD include:
- Drink a glass of warm lemon water as soon as I get up
- Morning journaling to get the creativity flowing
- Morning meditation to set the mood
- Workout that includes of course a warm up and then stretching
- Take a cold shower to get my metabolism going
- Dress like a real human, fix my hair, put on make up (not a sweaty runner)
- Making a high quality protein packed whole foods breakfast
- Completing multiple wonderful online articles
- Should also write an ebook, create an ecourse, apply to be a speaker and do more coaching
- Listening to classical music while working (good for the brain)
- Checking in on all social media accounts
- Responding to every comment
- Making and eating a whole food lunch
- Looking away from my computer screen every 20 minutes to let eyes adjust
- Using my standing desk all day long
- Do a random act of kindness
- PT exercises for hips
- Cooking David and I a whole foods dinner
- Have a meaningful conversation to reconnect
- Watching something funny because we need to laugh
- Find enough people to get 20 hugs a day (this is the magic number apparently)
- Doing some evening yoga/meditation to unwind
- Review my to do list for tomorrow and make sure they align with my long term goals
- Read all the amazing emails I’ve subscribed to for information and inspiration
- Vacuum, dust, do dishes – some form of cleaning
- Mail Christmas cards (shoot buy Christmas cards would have to happen first)
Does that insanity feel familiar to anyone else??? According to every magazine I’ve read lately there are probably a few more SHOULD’s I need to add to the list if I really want to be in excellent health, smarter, happier and having a crazy mad love affair with my husband.
Tony Robbins is the one who really coined this phrase:
Everyone has a list of shoulds: ‘I should spend more time with my kids.’ ‘I should spend more time with a business plan.’ ‘I should lose some weight.’ I should, I should, I should.
People don’t actually change.
They just end up what I call, “shoulding” all over themselves.
Convert those “shoulds” into “musts” and your entire life changes.
While I agree with the statement that the things which are truly important we need to look at as MUST DO’s, there are about a million things that we need to stop feeling pressured to get done.Are you should-ing on yourself? Join me in dropping something today! Click To Tweet
I love this from the Chopra Center which shows that should is about more than just the daily overwhelm, it takes you out of listening to your intuition and knowing when to stop doing things that are no longer serving you.
How “Should” Interferes with Soul Guidance
Consider the times you’ve ignored your soul’s guidance. Chances are good that you did so because you thought you should.
- The wedding invites are already sent, so you should go through with the wedding.
- You’ve already spent so many years training for the job your soul wants you to leave. The money is good. It’s a secure job in an insecure economy. You should stay.
- Your soul is telling you that you don’t have to take care of the elderly relative who treats you like dirt, but another part of you thinks you should.
- You’re working yourself to death to pay for the fancy house and the private school, and your soul is telling you to simplify, downsize, and send the kids to public school. But you don’t think you should sacrifice their quality of life for yours.
- Your soul doesn’t want to go to church anymore, but you should.
- Your soul doesn’t want to hang out with the friend you’ve known for twenty years anymore, but you should.
- Your soul doesn’t like the missionary position and wants to get down and dirty, but you should not let on that you fantasize the way you do.
- Your soul wants to dance under the moonlight, but you should go to the gym.
- Your soul wants to eat dark chocolate, but you should eat kale.
How to stop the should-ing overload
There are a few questions and steps that can help get you back on track if should is taking over:
- Why am I doing this? Is it because I want to or because I feel pressured to do it out of history or someone else’s perception?
- Create a list of all your should’s, write them down as they come up…sometimes just acknowledging we’re saying it is enough for us to pause and realize how silly it is.
- See if you can re-phrase things to “get to” “must do” “choose to” or “want to”…if not then maybe it’s one that needs to leave your list!
One final, very smart thought from The Art of Manliness:
I’m not suggesting you become a selfish jagweed in your quest to quit should-ing on yourself. Sometimes doing what you should means doing the honorable thing. We all have duties and responsibilities we have to fulfill even when we don’t feel like it. It will take some judgment and wisdom on your part to balance doing what you should and doing what you choose.
For example, you really should be faithful to your wife. That’s a no brainer. But should you stay at a corporate job you hate out of guilt that they need you even though you have a better opportunity somewhere else? A corporation that wouldn’t bat an eye before downsizing you? Probably not.
I am dropping the should’s today and going back to my little to-do list and focusing on all the things I GET to do.
What’s 1 SHOULD on your list that gives you anxiety and you can let go?
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