Today, I’m going to share with you the secret to weight loss, health and fitness no one talks about.
Yes, it’s the plan that covers alllllll of those and is so simple, you’ll wonder why you didn’t think of it first. (cough, then you’ll know exactly why you didn’t)
It has nothing to do with a new study, scientists in a lab, a fabulous new style of dieting or even all those Transformation Tuesday photos on Instagram. No, no, this comes from the brilliant man living under my own roof.David has shown me the error of my ways.
After a recent photo where he said “man I’ve gotten skinny“, I burst out laughing because I’ve never heard a female say that and certainly not one following his “training” plan.
Clearly he knows something that we don’t.
David’s Magic Weight Loss Plan
Be prepared to have your mind blown and all your plans changed.
Let’s start with meal planning: The main point here is that you do not plan in anyway shape or form! You routinely find yourself hungry without food, proceed on to a light headache and then promptly continue whatever you’re doing to forget about it. It’s important to note however that you are NOT allowed to be hangry.
5AM: Yogurt optional
Noon: Granola bar if you remember
3PM: Stay hydrated with at least 1 Mountain Dew
8PM finally time for your best meal!! Anything with cheese, 3 servings bread, 3 cookies, fall asleep instantly
Wake up around 9:30 for a bowl of ice cream
Then off to bed. Technically you could say he’s following the trendy intermittent fasting diet by consuming all his calories in a small window of time, but you would be incorrect. On the weekends or while traveling this whole schedule is thrown out the window.
Instead at 5AM you will consume: 1 egg, 2 slices of toast, a bowl of oatmeal, and a Clif Bar prior to working out. Post workout you will eat another Clif Bar then resume your too busy to eat schedule until dinner.
What about eating out?
You can eat out, but during the week stick to the dollar menu to limit your portion sizes. On vacation, eat a light breakfast then whatever you want for lunch because that will keep you full until you opt for a massive amount of cookies or ice cream before bed.
Change nothing leading up to a race or after a race. Enjoy fried foods, burgers, pasta, whatever sounds good because “hey you’re on vacation“. Now moving on to workouts:
Not more than 30 minutes a day and better to aim for 0 minutes per weekday. Your 30 minutes can include walking around your job, it’s important not to wear yourself down.
Instead on the weekend go balls to the wall, doing all of the following:
- Multi-hour bike rides on both Saturday and Sunday
- Random full body weight lifting sessions
- Running if your crazy wife has signed you up for a race
- If weather is bad then use the treadmill, rowing machine, stationary bike and elliptical to watch a movie
- Naps (this is key, lots of naps)
Want to run a half marathon?
No problem and no training required for success!
On Friday you try to sneak in 5 miles after work, but if you miss it don’t sweat. Sunday have a full breakfast of eggs, bacon and toast; after it settles go run 7 miles as hard as you can, ignoring all pain because it’s your one real run for the week.
Should you miraculously find any time for a second run during the week, aim for 3 miles again at the hardest possible pace you can muster. It should always be faster than the last time you ran…and well you know the drill, if you don’t have time, don’t sweat it.
On race day, just go hard.
If it hurts, keep going and think “I’ll train more next time“. Cross the finish line right next to your spouse who has been diligently putting in miles and think, “nah I don’t need to train more, where’s breakfast?“
Lessons of David
Of course I jest and am frequently finding ways to sneak veggies in to his diet or trick him in to an evening walk because I care about his heart and overall health even if he is naturally lean.In the last 14 years I’ve learned a lot from David who doesn’t approach this whole fitness world like I do. I’m Type A, a planner, a doer, a don’t miss a day, stick to the routine girl.
He’s a life happens, I’ll enjoy what I can kind of fitness guy. And while it concerns me because I know all the data on injuries and I know how much he does enjoy being active during the week…he’s taught me some things that really do matter.
- You won’t die if you miss a meal – apparently this is true, though I still don’t like to believe it.
- There are no bad foods, just too much food.
- Stress less about food and you’ll be less stressed.
- Do what you enjoy, don’t worry about pace or a race.
- Pizza is good anytime, enjoy it, no complaining.
- You can go harder than you think, if you’re willing to endure the discomfort (got me my best PR)
- Go outside as much as you can.
- Do your best to let go of the fear of getting hurt, so that you can experience great things.
Thanks for joining me for a little hilarity this week. With the knee recovery, I’m all about laughter as medicine and plenty of rambling.
Any lessons you could learn from your less focused on health friends?
And do you have that always skinny person in your life?!
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Hilarious! Love this post.
I am already in love with this post; my brother has taught me so many similar lessons. He’s never parannoyed about his food intake like me, and he even says, ‘I need to eat enough’ because he’s a weight lifter, and he wants to keep up a certain weight. I’m amazed at how God uses the guys in our lives to teach us so much.
Hahaha, this post made my day!!
Haha…. that was awesome :)
Ha ha! Yep, I sure do have an always skinny person in my life and he seems to follow the David fitness and nutrition plan! When he hit 30, I swore he was going to gain weight with the way he eats. Nope! Then 40 – nope! Now 50 and he looks as good as he did at 30. Maybe it’s a guy thang!
Megan @ Skinny Fitalicious
OMG this is hysterical and something I tell some of my weight loss clients who get a little obsessive over all the healthy things.
Erica @ Erica Finds
Love it! My skinny husband and David would get along great and have a similar approach to fitness. I’ve enjoyed a few chuckles at his expense since he’s now over 40 and it’s not as easy to keep up his younger skinny man ways. (Something for you to look forward to!)
Agness of Fit Travelling
This post was a truly awesome read, Amanda! I’ve really enjoyed reading it!
SO good! Very enjoyable read!