Do you have children? When are you planning on having children? -- These are the questions that follow the words “I’m getting married” and “This is my husband”. I understand that most women have a mental plan that involves offspring, but I don’t have this desire for babies and I don’t think this makes me a bad person. Personally, I think it’s rather intelligent that I’m not bringing a child in to this world just because someone else thinks that I should.
I am writing this to help people better understand that being childless isn’t a criminal act…we don’t dislike your children, we don’t begrudge you the joy you share with your children, we don’t compare our cats to your kids (I get that it’s different) and we would like to ask for the same respect in return.
Some will tell you it’s not a selfish choice, but that’s a lie…it is selfish in many ways. I enjoy doing what I want, when I want. I enjoy traveling unencumbered…I enjoy sleeping through the night. I enjoy not talking about poop, pee, and throw up…I don’t even talk about my cats doing that and it happens a lot!
These are our cats, the closest we may have to children…they are spoiled and loving…they don’t require midnight feedings and I can leave them at home. These are my current qualifications for children. So don’t pity our choices, don’t judge our choices…but do allow us to enjoy your family and to be a part of your happy circle.
All that being said I have stopped using the word “never” in relation to children. I may change my mind in a few years and so be it…who knows what will happen. What I do know is that we shouldn’t be judged for this or lose friends because they suddenly do have children. I’m perfectly happy for them…my choices have never been inflicted upon them, clearly or they would all be running marathons.
Did you or do you feel pressure to have children? Do you feel like people who don’t are making a mistake?
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Gratitude Journal
Feb 09
I am grateful for Photoshop
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77 good vibes:
I'm not married... not even seriously dating anyone, and I get flak from some family members about not being with someone. I'm only 23! What's the rush? Gosh, people have their own reasons for not doing something, and you guys have your reasons for not having kids. Nothing wrong with that :)
Rock on girl! I LOVE that picture I laughed soo hard when I saw it!
holy...grow up mormon and then tell me about pressure to have kids! ;) I'm 25 and I have friends with 2 kids. There are rumors that we can't have kids just because we have chosen not to. I think I want kids, but not anytime soon. And sometimes I wonder if I "want" kids just because that's what you do. Moral of my story - you have to do it when YOU are ready and other people should mind their own business! :) Apparently I have strong feelings on this. hehe
Yes, yes, yes. This post hits home a little for me. We've been married almost 5 years and have tolerated the "kids" question for that entire time. We will probably have child/ren, or maybe we won't? Whatever we decide IS OKAY and it's also not everyone's place to offer their suggestions, such as: "You'll want to make sure you start before 30." blahblahblah
Thanks Amanda.
Wow, I really thought this post would get more repsonses!
I am soooo with you! I am going back and forth with the children debate right now. I'm in love with the idea of being a parent but not sure if I am ready to give up my body and my time. I love where I am at with my running and our life, but I am getting older and realize I don't want to be raising kids into my 50's.
I wrote a post about Kara Goucher and her decision to hold off on having kids now if it doesn't happen by April so that she will be ready for London 2012. All I wanted to say in that post was that I totally understand that her carreer right now is more important and that I really felt for her in that I am in the same boat.
I got a TON of repsonses from mothers who are runenrs defending their choice to have kids and that you can have it all. What a lie. You can't run as well when your prego. You can't run right away after you give birth, and your priorities change once you have children. I actually felt attacked on my own blog for saying that I felt the same as Kara. People are dilsounal if they think that things don't have to change - which was the overwhelming majority of the responses. They do - and that is the resonsible way to look at it.
Don't feel guilty. You are a strong person and couple and you are smart to know that now isn't that time and strong enough to know there may never be a "right" time for you.
Thanks for sharing - and I love that pic of your family :)
(wow,just saw how long this was!)
you tell em girl!
we're different in that aspect because I do want children and Im itching to have some, but I truly respect people and their choice when it comes to children. whats the point in brining a child into this world only to shut people up?! but i do have those moments where I'm sure my social life will end once i have kids and im not sure i can handle them etc...
omg that picture is too funny.
I know what you mean. My husband and I have been married for 14.5 years. We decided a few years ago that we would most likely not have children. We like to travel, run, and just be together. Also, we are both middle school teachers; so by the time we get home we are ready to be "kid free" for the night.
I'm 27, been married for 7 years and am always getting asked when and why haven't we had children yet. I want them but we're just not ready to have them yet. My husband is still in school working on another degree. Don't get me wrong, I'd be thrilled if I was pregnant but freedom is nice too right now. Within a month of being married, different people started asking when we would start a family. My inlaws are always asking when are we going to make them grandparents. I'm a nurse and this is the conversation I have almost weekly with random patients:
Patient- "I bet you have children" or "how many kids do you have?"
Me- "none"
Patient- "your young, you probably haven't been married long"
Me-"actually we've been married over 7 years"
Then I either have to explain that we haven't tried to have them yet or there is awkward silence and the patient assumes there is something wrong with me!
Well said!
I tell my friends who do not have kids this ALL THE TIME. Until you are ready to be selfless and give up sleep, travel, body, mind, etc, you should not have kids.
I have always wanted to be a Mom and I am very happy with my choice, but never will I judge anyone who does not have that in their life plan.
You are so right, never say never..
Alright, I admit I am someone who asks "do you have kids" I do this because my life has become completely absorbed my my kids. I do not mind this, I do not begrudge this, but I am totally aware that I have become dull, and yes, my life is about another's bodily fluids. I know that right at this moment I simply don't have a lot to add to conversations that don't involve children. I am painfully aware of this. So please don't be offended if I ask "do you have kids" it isn't a judgement. I don't feel it is better or worse, it is just different. I am simply trying to find a common ground.
I am getting married in June so let the asking begin!! Haha. We do plan on having children, I would have them tomorrow if everything worked out, but we are waiting until I graduate from Grad school in 2011. I think it will be nice to have a few years of just "us" time but I have already begun getting baby fever! Ha. To each their own though, I think it's definitely a personal decision that no one should judge!
I didn't have kids until I was 31. I did a bunch of traveling and had late nights, and was married for 4 years. You're never truly ready, but if you decide to go forward with it, you'll know the right time.
BEST. POST. EVER. I'm with you 100%!! I feel like I'm always defending why I don't want/have kids. And I actually think it's not selfish at all. I think it's smart. Smart to not bring a child into this world b/c that's what people "think" women should do. I have an incredible life that is fulfilling and I'm complete with my husband and 2 cats. I live for my weekend naps and trips to Jamaica and being able to do whatever I want, when I want. I'm choosing the lifestyle that works for me and makes me the happiest. To each their own.
And, I do like my cats better than most kids. :-)
I did feel a lot of pressure when we first got married. We were married young-ish (24) and we told people we were going to wait unil we were married for 10 yrs before deciding. But we knew we were probably not going to have kids and decided to not have them. I am a great aunt and love my nephews but honestly know I (we) would be terrible parents.
Kids are way more mature than I am anyway...
And I also have to say, can you tell this is a hot topic for me, I think too many people have kids for the wrong reasons. A kid will not fix a broken marriage, etc. It hurts to watch people make bad decisions and have a child hoping it will make things better.
I am right there with you. My husband and I do not want children and people are always judging that decision. People always ask us who is going to take care of us when we are old. I remind them that just because you have children, that does not mean they will take care of you when you are old.
It might be selfish that I would rather sleep in and do what I want instead of change diapers and watch cartoons, but I think it is also selfish when people expect you to have a child because they want to have grandkids. My uterus is not up for rent. :)
I understand your frustrations! I do have two children, but I would never judge anyone for not wanting kids. I do not think there is a right or wrong answer to that one. I think everybody makes a choice that is conducive to their goals and lifestyles.
sometimes I do feel badly for people who decide that they don't have to have children, in my opinion, the love i have for my 2 kids is really something I never experienced before (a little bit when my nieces and nephews were born)....i always tell new parents that you never realize how much your parents love you until the nurse/doctor/whomever gives you your new baby....
but it's totally up to everyone, i have no idea why people feel it's their right to even ask about this stuff....it's really no ones business.
My wife and I were married for 7 years before we had our son. We got asked the baby question for a long time. Our response was that we wanted time to enjoy being married. And we had that time. And we don't regret it at all. Our son just turned 2, wifey is 32 and I'm almost 31. Not a decision I regret.
And in reality, it's everyones personal choice. And I support that choice.
Thanks for the compliment!!! I turned 37 a few weeks ago. My 8th graders keep me young, but also make me want to pull my hair out at times. :) Atlanta has a lot of great things to do and top-notch restaurants as well. I have never done the 1/2 there. I'll be interested to read your race report if you choose to do that one.
To create a family that includes children is an individuals choice. Period.
I do feel pressure to have kids eventually, and maybe "eventually" I will want them . . . but now is definitely not the time! I agree with you, I am selfish. I want to sleep through the night. I don't want to work all day and then have to cart kids around to different activities. I just feel like life is stressful enough. In my free time, I just want to relax, not find more responsibility!
I know that my sister and broth-in-law have been feeling "pressure" from his mom about having kids. He just spent the last year in a Iraq, almost half of the time that they've been married - cut them a break. They are only 25 and no where near ready to have kids, but still get the question... I can only imagine what it is like. People need to be more considerate of others thoughts, feelings, and choices.
I struggle with wanting children but also wanting a career. I think its normal for women in todays society to not be as anxious to have children. Everyone is different and has different views on what is right for them. It just bothers me when people get married and then the husband and wife don't agree on when or even if to have children. I think its sad that some women don't have children because their husbands don't want to...i think it should be a joint decision.
People say dumb cr@p. And I don't even think they realize it. We married kinda young an had kids right away.
I have two small kiddos and wouldn't change it for the world. And I plan to have one more. I can understand your inclination to not have any. The idea of being pregnant again makes me panic. And what if baby#3 doesn't sleep (like baby#1). I'm not sure I have it in me to go 2yrs with out a full night's sleep again.
But the longer I'm a mom the more I realize this is who I am. I actually enjoy all the domestic cr@p I once despised.
Yeah for you! I do have two boys, but I waited until my early thirties to have my first one and I was with my significant other for 5 years before I decided. I hated it when people asked us all the time "when are you going to have kids? Your not getting any younger" I wanted to tell them so many colorful expletives but held back.
Now I do have two kids and I do agree, there is no way you get your life back the way it was.
I made my choice later in life to have kids. I wanted my career, home, trips, car and fun first.
I agree, people need to be more considerate of other people's feelings and mind their own business.
The big question I get now...."Are you going to have anymore?" "why not? you need to try for that girl!"
I love that PHOTO!!! hysterical!
i was juuuuuuust talkign about this with someone!!!
i think it's selfish to have a child you know you can't be a good parent to!!!! that's so unfair to the kid.
i am not in any ruch :)
I'll be the first to tell ya that once you have kids your life as you know it will never be the same! Now, is that a bad thing? Of course not. But it is a struggle that I deal with every day and I didn't have my first until I was 33. I mean, I can't even go to the bathroom by myself!
Believe me when I say that I am blessed beyond measure for my two little monkey's. There's not a day that goes by that I'm not totally cracking up over something that they do. They are pure joy to the fullest.
But, please don't EVER feel bad for the decisions you make regarding having, or not having, kids. They require, and deserve, all of you. You will know when being all of you, requires pieces of them.
As I mentioned the other day, I don't think it ever would have been the right time for me...I felt way too selfish to have kids and didn't think I had it in me to be able to give to one. Of course that changed when I got pregnant and I am grateful for that and know that was the best "mistake" I have ever made!
That being said...that is me! And you have to make the choice that is best for you...your own shoes are not for other people to walk in for you!
And I hope I didn't offend you the other day regarding this topic...I didn't mean to if I did.
Totally with you. My body is a no-kids zone place as well. It's a huge responsibility and one that I don't take lightly. I like having my own life, my own time, using my money for what I want. I know that I would be unhappy with children.
I'm lucky in that I have 4 older siblings and three of them have children. It took all of the pressure off of me. My parents understand my decision and are okay with it.
DID YOU SEE THE TODAY SHOW LAST SATURDAY??? They had a segmetn "Childless by choice" and it was SOO REFRESHIGN TO HEAR! Mike and I don't want children, and when we say that, we typically get looked at, as if we have 3 heads, or we get sneered or skoffed at because "Why would you NOT have kids".
I mean all this does is further solidfy the fact - I REALLY WISH WE LIVED CLOSER TO EACH OTHER - I think we would get along SO well! Thank you thank you thank you for posting this!
I couldn't agree with you more! My husband and I don't have children eitther (married almost 3 years) and we have no plans to have any in the near future. We are happy as we are, have a lot of things we want to do and don't feel we're ready to have kids, even if we wanted them. We haven't ruled it out yet, but in a family with a lot of kids in the younger generation, we often get asked the question. It definitely can get annoying.
With the infertility experience, it still hurts me that people ever think it appropriate to ask "so, when are you having kids?" Why not ask about other super personal decisions:
"when are you getting out of debt?" "have you written your will yet?" "did you get your pap smear/skin cancer screening/colonoscopy/mammogram lately?"
It also makes me sad that people might unfriend others who don't have kids, but I have to say, I kind of get how that one might happen accidentally. It's not that it's about kids vs. kidless so much as it's just so hard to interact much with grown-ups of any variety :) Downtime has to be so planned, it's complicated to match schedules with other people, and feels rude to insist others work around our time.
The right time will come, or not. I wouldn't stress now.
Honestly, I knew I wanted kids since I was still one myself. And I wanted kids much more than I wanted a husband! :) But, it is definitely a CHOICE and if you don't want to go the kid route, GREAT! Besides, if you go and have kids AB, that would be one last person I'd get to live vicariously through. So, please, continue running, traveling, being cheerful and wonderful and I will pretend that's what my life would have been like without a teenager and twins! :)
Good for you girl! I def want kids but not anytime soon and I know the minute I get married everyone is going to be all up on me because I'm already pushing 30!
Not selfish at all. I'm getting those questions about kids..hello. Were not married yet. lol Not everyone wants kids. I know people who don't ahve them and don't want them...very happy people too. They have neices and nephews that they love. I never wanted to have kiddos of my own. I like the idea of adopting.
I don't judge anyone who decides not to have children - totally a personal decision and there isn't a right or wrong one. I will say that I felt my own pressure once 30 was coming to start having kids since I knew I wanted a handful of them and didn't want to be too old. There are definitely sacrifices involved, and traveling has been one of them!
I want to have kids at some point, but I'm still a little ways off. What bothers me is when people assume that your life will be over just because you have a baby. Last summer, at a big family dinner, my grandmother turned to Brent and said, "I'm giving you and Abby two more years of running around in the woods, and then I want a great-grandkid." When she walked away, he turned to me and said, "We probably shouldn't tell her that our kids will be running around in the woods with us!"
Thank you so much for posting this! I too have no desire for children and never have had such a desire. I like kids (qualifier, well behaved ones not those brats in the PAM ad shouting for cupcakes) and I love hanging out with my 5 year old nephew, but I don't want any of my own. I have had many instances where people just cannot comprehend that choice. They react like I'm crazy or I get the "but you would be such a good mom." Bottom line, I have a full time career and travel for work and play, it would be selfish of me to have a dog much less a child.
Great pictures! I didn't get married until I was 30, so I heard a lot about the "when are you getting married" bit. Sometimes I've thought that when others are more concerned than you'd expect about your life choices maybe they are using that situation as a sounding board for their own decisions and choices. Maybe they didn't realize they had a choice.
Amanda - Although I do have two children - we were married for 11 years before having a child. We just were not interested in children. Then we changed our minds. It is a very personal subject and you really shouldn't have to answer to others.
You have the best babies in the world (cat lover here). Smart choice! I am childless @ 41 almost 42 and I love it. I never wanted children. I do not let others influence me because I love my life and my freedom. Be sure to NEVER EVER let others influence you. Just travel and enjoy your life.
I think it's just the opposite: you are being unselfish by not having children. Too many people have kids just because it's "the thing to do." But they don't necessarily make thier kids a priority and the addition of the kids seems to totally stress the marriage. My best friend chose not to have kids and I respect her decision wholeheartedly. She loves me kids like they were her own, but it just wasn't something she wanted to make room for in her life. Good for you for being confident in your decision.
And thanks for the shout out to my giveaway!
Amanda~ first thanks for the mention of my blog..very sweet ! My partner and I have been together for 12 years and in the beginning were pretty sure we didn't want children...and then a few years later were very sure that we did. We ended up becoming Foster Parents. We fostered twin two year old boys for a short time and then eventually a 8 year old girl, who we were very close to adopting. Because of some very serious emotional issues with her, it didn't work out. In the end..we came out certain that we have love childrent, but don't want any of our own. We will love and support all the ones that are in our lives...and that is good enough for us.
Love the Married with Children pic, that cracked me up!! Great post! Of course it's your choice!!! There are those that want kids so bad, but can't, and those that choose to not have kids. Whatever! You're doing what makes you happy in YOUR life. :)
Great photo!
I totally understand what you are saying - we have have kids - 3 of them and they, along with my wife :) are the best things in my life. It is tough though, there are lots of things you can't do, but then there are other things you can.
What really bugs me is some parents whose whole life revolves around their kids - ALL conversation at any time of the day or night is about them, whether it be their first gurgle or which school they are applying for. These are the people that give parenting a bad name - well not as bad as those that are the other extreme and don't give a damn about their kids!
Somewhere in the middle and we're all happy.
Oh - and for those without kids - you must be free for baby sitting on the 14th right?
I love readding, and thanks for your artical.........................................
We were married for 10 years before we decided that we did, in fact, want to have children. Up until that point, we really weren't sure that we ever would. We had lots of fun just being us, seeing the world, and enjoying each other. And, yes, it was crazy the things people would ask. People thought we were neurotic. Now, that we chose to only have one and stop. People still think we are neurotic.
Good for you for standing by your decision and not inflicting self doubt. We would always say -"Dogs don't talk back or require a college education."
Amanda you are awesome! This post was amazing and thank you for writing it! No we are not having kids. I have no biological clock and have no desire to bring forth a human from my wha-who thanks. Kids aren't my thing and to be fully honest, I've known since I was very young that I didn't want kids. A lot of people tell me that I'll change my mind and I just shrug. But surprisingly I get a lot of people who tell me that I'm smart for realizing that early on. I love those people. Have I gotten shit in the past? Yes but I try and blow it off. Neither of our families bug us though thank god.
So much more I could say! Ha! But my comment is already long enough.
This July will be 10 yrs married for me, and our only child, is our awesome two year old DOG. The best/worst, is that I'm the last male in my family to be able to carry on my surname, and we've been reminded of that during the holidays by my paternal grandfather.
My husband & I are not having human children (we have cats, too), and we get a lot of questions about it (fewer now that we've been together so long). What pisses me off the most is when people say things like, "if you know you can't be selfless enough to have kids, you're making the wrong decision." or "you'll never REALLY experience love w/o loving a child." I think that as women, we spend WAY too much time judging each other & the choices we make, and not nearly enough time offering to support each other.
ARGH! "if you know you can't be selfless enough to have kids, you're making the right decision."
Just found your blog and I COMPLETELY agree. I honestly don't have much of that maternal thing going on, and not sure that I ever will. There is no reason you should be judged on any choice, especially such a personal one!
I have an almost 5 yr old, and I think there are pros and cons to either side of the debate -- having kids young, waiting to have kids or having no kids. The point is, whatever you choose, you have to live with, not anybody on the outside. They won't be the ones waking up with a newborn or trying to fit running/going out/having fun around a kiddo. Don't get me wrong, it can be done - hubby and I still travel quite a bit, but it takes PLANNING! But, just follow your gut. Everyone I know who either rushed it, or didn't listen to that little voice in side has some regrets about whichever of the three choices they went with.
Great post.
I feel exactly the same way.
I come from a pretty traditional Mexican family, so I get a ton of questions about when we are going to start a family.
Everyone seems to think I will change my mind, or regret the decision.
I can definitely see myself taking in foster kids some day, far into the future. But, I have a very hard time wrapping my head around brining more kids into this world, when there are already so many in need.
I am SO with you!! My sister proclaimed a long time ago that she will never have children. She and her boyfriend (they're practically married, just not legally) are artsy ppl and live their life that way. Me and my husband on the other hand ARE married so the pressure is ON. It's so annoying. I already told my grandma that if she mentions it one more time then I will not be answering her weekly calls. I don't want to be pressured into having kids, and right now, life is too good to have them. I want to enjoy my husband without screaming children. My grandma says I don't know what I'm missing. I think she doesn't understand that my current goals have zero to do with kids and until I change my mind, it's just not happening. *End of rant ;)
My husband and I were married for 8 years when my son was born. We got tons of pressure before we had our son. But, there was a long period when I didn't want to have kids -- I was convinced I never would. Then, it changed and I'm so happy. I made the decision that was right for me, when it was right and I'm really glad I waited! I think everyone should be able to decide whether or not they want kids -- and then how many they want -- without other people butting in!
I just came across your blog and couldn't resist commenting on this one.
I am 27, not married, no kids, work at a great job, have a college degree, am training to run a half marathon, travel the world, perform in music hteater, snowboard, kayak, date when and who I please, and love trying new things. I'm incredibly happy and fulfilled.
And yet, I'm an object of pity! Wow.
I think "selfish" is the wrong word to describe the choice not to have kids, because it has such a negative connotation. Your happiness isn't at the expense of someone else--how can it do anything but ADD to the positivity in the world? Keep it up. :)
totally agree with you about this. Personally, I want to have chilren one day; however, I REALLY respect a person or couple who are able to communicate this and be honest with themselves...I say honest because given society's expectations - just like everybody asking you about having kids - it is not always easy to be in the minority...or the one getting judged because you are not doing what "you should" be doing...there is no such thing as the right way and I feel sorry for close-minded people who don't get that. If anything, I see so many happy couples, without children, who share a wonderful life together...it is beautiful. Whether or not you (and I am assuming your husband) change your mind or feel different one day, it shouldn't matter...you are at one with yourself and and some don't get that in a lifetime. love your blog, btw!
I just came across this. I'm with you!! I actually lost a couple of friends because I chose to not have children and for some reason they couldn't understand it. What is up with that?
Very good post!
Also, I really love your blog header image!
This is a great post! I think it's difficult for people to handle anything that may vary from the typical course that couples take in their relationship. For me, the questions were about marriage when my long term relationship wasn't conforming to other people's ideas regarding when it should happen. I feel like our generation is breaking those "rules" a lot more than past generations have as we focus on ourselves and what we want in our own lives. Sometimes that's marriage, children, etc. and sometimes it's not.
Good post, it's nice to have reassurance.
Thanks for stopping by for my giveaway!
It's always great to find people with the same idea on this. Like you said I have nothing against kids, just not for me. Fur kids only.
I can't wait to have kids some day. Not sure when that some day might be. I am one of the last of my friends to have kids. Recently, I've made peace with the fact that a close friend of mine is so incredibly wrapped up in being a "mommy" that she is no longer interested in our friendship. At first it hurt, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that yes being a mommy is important, but so are outside relationships. Family is hugely important, but so is balance. One day I hope to strive for some balance! :)
What a good post! I have many many friends who have chosen to be childless and it's their choice. I think it's incredibly rude when people ask questions like that. I've been with my boyfriend 2 years now and we often get questions "when are you getting married?" Um...he hasn't proposed yet, thanks for making this conversation awkward! :)
I don't think it matters what others think. It's your body and your lives. That's what I always ask people that are pressuring us if they are going to come over and take care of the baby when I don't feel up to it. If they are the ones that really want a child. It's not that I don't want to have children because I really do. It's just I want to have them when I am ready for them and I want it on my terms.
Because once it happens it's going to be "Oh what are you having?" "When are you scheduled to get it taken out of you?" etc. I don't like a lot of things about birth and the pressure from my family and friends. It's going to be when Dina and Michael are ready. Then I'll curtly answer the other questions when it comes up.
I have a lot of friends that have no interest in having children and that's fine I don't judge them. It's their life choice and I won't beguile them for choosing that life. I think the are perfectly happy without children and they enjoy each other's company and if that is all they need to stay happy then I'm happy for them. I would never ask them if they would ever change they mind just like they don't ask me when we are going to have kids.
Well said and very much understood!
I remarried in 2007, at the age of 40 (*best*year*ever!!), and immediately the questions started from coworkers. By then, thankfully, for the MOST PART, my family understood my choice (though not always agreeing. Whatever.), but the coworkers were SHOCKED to learn there would be no children. People, mind your own damn business!
And yes, I also believe choosing NOT to have children is an intelligent choice ~ for many reasons ~ not the least of which is irresponsible parenting. OMG, the stuff I see parents do! As a seasoned educator, I've seen (and heard) more stuff than I'd care to EVER share. *Parents, in case you're not sure: your kids TALK when they're at school.* WOW. Don't hit, slap, neglect, or curse at them... people know. And your children resent it.
Okay, off my pulpit. Good for you for making your own choices. :-)
Happily childless in Orlando....
robin
Wow... don't know how I was led to this post today of all days! Thank you Lord! Married almost 10 years with no kids. We're not sure they're for us and until I'm 5400% sure, I'm not jumping into mommyhood. Yesterday I was getting my hair cut with a new woman who asked how long I've been married. Almost 10 years. She literally put her flatiron down, put her hand on my shoulder and said, "No babies? Oh, honey, it'll happen for you." All in a dramatic, hushed voice. GIVE ME A BREAK. I'm sure she thought she was being kind, but did she even ask if I've ever wanted to go down the kid-road?? I liked what you said about don't pity and don't judge. Amen. Everyone needs to do what's best-for-them in life and live their own life to the fullest... which I believe I'm doing.
Amanda-I've just recently found your blog so I'm catching up with some older posts and this one caught my eye! I am with you on EVERY WORD you said in this post (except instead of 2 cats, my hubby and I have 2 dogs). Also, I'll never say never because who knows if I'll change my mind someday, but I'm 31 and as of now, I've never had a desire to have children. And my hubby supports me in that totally! Thanks for doing this post!
I am married and young. Neither I nor my husband want children. I grew up in a big family. I know what kids are like. So does he. We don't necessarily dislike kids (as long as we can send them to their parents when something's wrong), but we don't want the responsibility of having our own. We talked for years about my husband getting a vasectomy, and we finally did it. We're young, but we're adults. We made our choice. This doesn't make us bad people. Just different from the norm.
I am married, and I have kids and I think it is great for me, but not for everyone. I am living my life the way that I want it, does that make me selfish? No, and neither does your choice.
elena
It's amazing how others make your decision whether to have kids (and/or how many) their business. It's such a personal decision, and you clearly have to do what's right for you. It's actually really sad when people don't and in a way just do what others want them to do...
Totally a personal decision, having kids shouldn't be just something you do because everyone else is doing it.
For a long time we didn't have kids, married at 26 and kids at 32, but that's because I'm infertile, and so I totally relate to the pressure, it's so rude!
so this is way late but i just found your blog and im SO glad to see a post like this! my husband and i are celebrating our one year anniversary this sunday. two of my close girlfriends have kids and my mother has caught the baby bug and its driving me nuts. my husband and i discussed children back right we starting dating. neither of us have any desire to have children. i dont feel that 'pull' some women feel or that urge or need. i dont look down on the women who do but i do get extremely annoyed when people tell me ill change my mind...so does that mean that youve changed your mind and wish you never had kids? why is my decision so subject to change? there are sites where parents go admit that if they could they would go back and not have kids, that they hate their lives now, etc. not every person is meant or should have kids. i love my husband so very dearly, dont tell me i dont know what love is. i too dont say we'll "never" have kids but thats mostly to shut people up but i honestly dont think it will happen. we check up on each other randomly to make sure that we still want the same things and we are very open. i love the decision weve made so far and im excited for the rest of our lives together. im glad for all the moms who are happy out there but i am so tired of being inundated with baby stuff that bores me to death. thanks for posting this. sometimes i feel alone!
i also dont think your selfish doing what you want! is a couple wants to have kids, by that definition they are being selfish too!
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